This post is specifically for all those wondering why I haven't gone to college, or why I'm not making any future college plans.
I have committed to living at home with my parents, specifically under my father's headship, until I get married. Lord willing, I would someday like to get married and raise children of my own. I am waiting on Him to provide that for me in His timing. Until then, I feel it is very important to stay under the leadership of my father until he gives me away to my husband. That means I am not going to move out on my own. I also am not going to go away to college. There are other reasons that I don't want to go the traditional college route, but I won't get into them here.
So yes, I am almost 20 years old, and still living at home. And I currently have no plans of moving out. I love my family. I love being with them during these years. I love serving them. I love the lessons that both of my parents teach me. I love knowing that my father is here to provide for me and protect me. It would be much harder for him to do that if I decided to leave his household.
No, I am not just sitting around the house, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for Prince Charming. I am doing laundry, doing the dishes, cleaning the house, making my best attempt at cooking (which is getting better), teaching piano lessons, and numerous other things. I am trying my best to use the special years to serve.
So that's why I'm not going to college. The Lord has called me to serve where He's placed me.
It's like you took the words right out of my mouth!!!
ReplyDeleteexcept I am sixteen <3 not almost 20 haha
:)<3<><
Oh thanks!
ReplyDeleteNo, thank you <3
Delete:)<3<><
There's no such thing as a Prince Charming.
ReplyDeleteAnd 20 is the time to be gaining very valuable life experiences, education, and skills beyond what can be offered in your parents' home.
I'm sorry for you that your parents have convinced you otherwise (for reasons about which I will not speculate.)
Hi Anonymous,
DeleteI believe there is one Prince Charming that God has created for me. :)
I actually am gaining valuable life experiences and education. Who better to teach me these things than the parents that God placed me with?
My parents have not "convinced me of this" as you say. I made the decision of my own free will.
Your parents want to keep you at home to do all the lovely things they don't want to do. See: Duggar, Jana, Jill, Jessa and Jinger.
DeleteOh goodness, that couldn't be further from the truth. Perhaps you shouldn't assume things about a family you haven't personally met. :)
DeleteDear Brooke,
DeleteI also think it's unfair for people to compare you to some TV personalities and their preconceived notions about them. They aren't you and we don't know them.
This is about you. You have free will. Please don't waste that free will waiting for things to happen to you. Pray, but also think hard about what is really right for you and only you. I sense some fear and trepidation about the world in you that may be influencing your thinking. While I think such fear is normal for any 20 year old. (I have an 18 year old son who has many of the same fears), please know that the world is a glorious and wonderful place filled with amazing, diverse people and opportunities - right in your own country. Yes, there are some not so pleasant things as well. But if you broaden your horizons and stay open-hearted and open-minded, you may find that things are actually very different from how you perceive them to be from a distance.
My main point - Don't waste your fleeting youth hoping for things to happen. They will not happen on their own as much as you might hope and pray they will. At age 45 and now wheelchair bound with MS, I can tell you that 20 was a mere few years ago for me. And as unbelievable as it may seem, you'll be 45 just as soon. Don’t waste time; start today.
Very best wishes to you,
Tracey
Miss Tracey,
DeleteThanks for your comment! I am trying hard not to waste my time; rather I am using that time to serve others and God in many different ways. :)
Hey Brooke! I find your post very interesting - I definitely respect your decision, but I think you should try and be more open minded! There is so much more of the world that god wants you to experience. He did not create you to simply stay in your bubble until you find a husband.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever thought of going on a mission trip overseas? That would be a great way to serve god and experience more of the world!
Rachel Ross :)
Hi Rachel!
DeleteSome people might get the idea that I live in a "bubble", but that's really not true. I still do things and get out of the house. ;)
I actually am trying to plan a mission trip this year, Lord willing. :)
Thanks for posting this. Those are the very same reasons I am not going to college. As well as some others... :)
ReplyDeleteYou're so welcome! Thanks for stopping by. :)
DeleteHi Brooke. I know a lot of people post anonymously, but I like honesty and openness better, so this is Scott Salem. I have a lot of qualms with this post, although I do hope you get to do your mission trip, because that provides valuable world experience and knowledge. My question for you is, where do you plan on living after you get married? I ask, because at this point it seems like you would be content staying with your parents forever, which tends to point toward a fear of the unknown and.of the world around you. I am glad you love your parents, and it seems like they are very supportive and loving as well, but it sounds like in your decision to wait for prince charming (who I am sure exists, I believe in a soulmate) you are neglecting the fact that you could be using this time to gain culture, knowledge and open mindedness about the world around you. Living with your parents is fine for a while, but anybody who doesn't go to college or get out in the world is not going to be able to interact with people of different backrounds and cultures. As I am sure you have seen, I have many different kinds of friends on facebook. I don't necessarily like them all, but they allow me to look at the world from new perspectives and appreciate all that life has to offer. It seems to me like you are indeed limiting your life to a bubble you have created. Maybe you want to do that, but you could get much more full experience out of life if you would take the chance to step out of your comfort zone. Maybe the plans you think God has for you aren't the plans at all. Nobody can predict God's plan, and to stay and live at home could be a hindrance more than a help. Why not go to a college close to home? Best of both worlds kind of thing. :)
ReplyDeleteDear Scott,
DeleteThank you very much for your honesty and respect. I very much appreciate the fact that you know how to RESPECTFULLY disagree. :)
After I get married, I would plan on living with my husband in our own house.
Actually, following God's plan has made me step out of my comfort zone. I can tell you I never really planned on starting up a piano studio. But God has brought it about in a wonderful way. No one can predict God's plan, but through prayer and petition one can seek out God's plan. :)
An education would likely make you a better wife and mother. I am finishing my degree and I do all of the things you named before I leave for school in the morning. Plus I am learning things that will help me to homeschool and make me more effective with things like sewing, growing plants and helping others. It is fine if you just don't want to go to college, but ignorance is never admirable. It certainly is not better for your future family or for God.
ReplyDeleteNoelle,
DeleteThere are many different ways to get an education: home, online, at a college, etc. I don't think that one way is necessarily better than another. There is no cookie cutter answer when it comes to college. Some are called to college; some aren't. I understand and respect that. If you were called to go to college, that's wonderful! I feel called to not do the traditional college route. I definitely am not trying to be ignorant; I'm still learning every day. :)
Going to college does not necessarily mean going AWAY to college. You could commute (still live at home, drive to campus for class) to a 2 or 4 year college. That way, you'd still be under your father's protection, but still be gaining an education you may need in the future~if, 15 years down the road when you're married with children and your husband suddenly loses his job or (god forbid) dies suddenly, you'll need a way to support your family.
ReplyDeleteHi Amanda,
DeleteThat is very true. I actually do have post-high school education; I went to an online tech school.
What happens if, God forbid, your father dies, and you're still living at home? What if your future husband dies young? Or walks out? Could you support yourself and any children you might have?
ReplyDeleteThere is no Prince Charming. Prince Charming is a fairy tale. There probably is a real living man out there for you, a man with faults and shortcomings, who won't be Prince Charming but who will love you despite your own faults. Believing in Prince Charming will set you up for disappointment.
If you want to stay home there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with a young woman living away from home either. I'm glad I lived on my own for a few years rather than going from living at home to marriage. There are lessons to be learned when you live on your own that you don't learn from living at home. You learn financial management better when you are responsible for your own bills.
And maybe you'll never marry. That's OK too. It will be easier if you've learned to live on your own, manage a budget, and have a career that can support you without depending on siblings or other family members.
Elizabeth,
DeleteWhile bad things can happen, I don't believe in living my life in case of every single "what if." I do what I can to prepare how God has called me, and trust Him for the rest of it.
When I say Prince Charming, I do not mean some perfect man. That certainly doesn't exist. But my Prince Charming, the man God made specifically for me, does exist.
I actually do manage my own finances: I earn money, save money, spend money, etc. Yes I have bills too.
Though it doesn't really matter- in case anyone is wondering, I do have post-high school education. I attended a tech school online which I graduated from last year. Doing it online allowed me to still stay at home under my dad's headship.
ReplyDeleteMany women have dreams of being scientists, doctors, lawyers, etc., and they are praised for these dreams. But when I say that my dream is to be a wife and mother I am criticized. What makes my dream any less significant than theirs? Just something to think about. :)
I don't know where you're from, but I wish it was somewhere nearby so we could go out for lunch sometime.
DeleteYou are such an encouragement to me... I also am not doing the college thing. I'm staying home, working, ministering in my church and through a traveling family ministry that takes me too many places to count during the summer (so yea, I do get to have cultural experience...I can't believe some people would say that just because I haven't put myself in the danger of living off on my own no where near anyone I know or my church family that I have no cultural experience), and getting to study my Bible in a way I wouldn't be able to if I was off going to college, and working to try and pay off all that college DEBT (I have a serious issue with women going into debt...because once a women gets married, she should be home taking care of her husband like God has called her to...not out working in the world sending her kids to a daycare, therefore, that debt automatically gets added to a husband's responsibility...not cool :/)
But... I digress
I wish we could go out for coffee... or shopping... or you could teach me how to play piano...any of those things would work so we could get to know each other better!
God Bless dear Sister, don't be discouraged!
Amen Brooke!!!
DeleteAnother 20 year old here, living at home with her wonderful family and under my Daddy's headship.
Stand Strong!
Cecilia,
DeleteThank you so much for your kind comment! I completely agree! I appreciate you stopping by. :)
Shiloh,
DeleteThank you! It's certainly a wonderful place to be. :)
As a feminist, I respect your choice. I believe women should be able to choose how to live their lives. It's unfair that some people question our life decisions. We know what's best for us. No one else does. As women, we are fully capable of deciding over our own lives. People should respect that. :)
DeleteBrooke, you rock. My name is Cari, and I pray my son will grow up to marry a woman such as yourself. I think the main prob people have is simply that you're not going to college. I don't know where the idea has come from that if you don't go to college your life is useless. I'm not sure if you're aware, but hopefully it will encourage you even more to know that Rush Limbaugh never went to college. There are plenty of "successful" people who never did. But what is "successful"? God has a totally different meaning for it than the world. I find it funny that people are so upset over your post when you've never said "All women need to do this". You repeatedly stated it's what YOU feel led to do. Please keep in mind something that God told both Moses and Samuel: "They are not rejecting you, they are rejecting Me." It's not so much Brooke they have a prob with. It's the statement Brooke's life makes :-> God bless you! As far as being under your father's authority, I'm sure you realize how crazy that sounds in today's age of "enlightened" people. Numbers chapter 30 :->
ReplyDeleteMiss Cari,
DeleteThank you so much for your kind comment. :)I agree; our definition of success must come from God's word, not the world. Thanks again for stopping by!
First of all -- Brooke, I REALLY admire how calm your reply to people's comments are. I was getting a little flustered just reading them :P
ReplyDeleteI'm 16, and I honestly don't know what I'll be doing after high school. I know won't be immediately moving out of my parents home or going to college right away (if I go at all).
I don't know if God has it in his plan for me to marry or stay single. It's still a mystery to me -- but I'm waiting!
I'd write a big huge comment about everyone else's comments, but I'd blow my top :P
Emily,
DeleteThank you so much! I just try to let God's love show. Waiting can be hard; but it is very worth it. :)
Em,
DeleteI love you
We should hang out sometime ... and often :)
I so Love this blog.
ReplyDeleteI so Love you Brooke, I have such admiration for what you stand for and believe.
Continue to stand firm, because they have no ideal who you are, they have no ideal that God has your back.
Shahida,
DeleteThank you so very much!! To God be the glory.
This is very interesting to me. And I actually see both sides to a certain extent. Brooke, these people who disagree with you aren't doing it out of spite or even to reject the statement your life makes. They are doing it because they are concerned. They know life isn't a dream or fairy tale. And God doesn't expect us to live in a dream world, He expects us to think things through clearly and prepare for the future.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I’m curious: how do you except your future husband to find you? How does staying at home prepare you fully?
Let me tell my story briefly, I was raised in a Christian home and was raised to respect my parents, keep myself pure, to love God, etc. I was homeschooled and had a solid education (unlike those homeschoolers who give homeschooling a bad name) but was also taught how to keep a home. My father was a pastor thus I have lived in several different places. Which brings up a question for you? What if your future husband lives or wants to live in another state or area of country? Cultures are different in every place (even in the U.S.). Are you prepared to be that far away from everything you know? What skills do you have that would help you adjust?
Anyways, I stayed home a year after high school. I worked at a company nearby and learned many life skills that were important for me to become the best person I can be for God. (I had worked before part-time, but forty hours a week is different than part-time!) That year and esp. my time spent working at this particular company prepared me for my current situation in so many ways!
I also went to a Bible college for a year, where I met some great friends and my husband-to-be ;). My friends were Christians as well but there were things that we didn't even agree on (not right or wrong things but convictions), and I think that is something important to remember: just because you disagree doesn't mean the other person isn't walking in the light God has shown them. Another note on college life: being in a dorm is a very enlightening experience. One that is difficult sometimes (girl drama) but totally worth it! We shared so many good times, times of growing closer to God and each other. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Continued...
ReplyDeleteI then finished my degree online through a reputable college. So yeah, nothing against a "good" online college but you want experience to back it up! And you know who my main encouragers were in getting my degree finished? My Dad and Mom: they wanted me to be able to provide for myself capably and my experience and degree allows me the peace of mind that if something happened (Lord forbid, but we must not be blinded we have to be responsible) I could make a living. Which brings up another question: you have post-high school education which is great, but what about experience in that field?
Are you going to work out at all after you are married? I am married but we have no children yet. While looking for a job, I was home for a couple months and to be completely honest, there is only so much housework, organizing, decorating, baking, etc. that can be done. I now work around forty hours a week, keep a clean house, make good, filling suppers every night (crock pots are amazing) and, in general, keep my hubby happy all while working out to supplement our income. Now once we have children, I would love to stay home, but that is part of the point of me working out now: so I don't have to later! I feel if I stayed home every day I would not be fulfilling the full potential God has for me right now, I am able to enjoy my job and be an example to others in a way that I couldn't if I was home all day. And another thing, some of the friends I've made at my current and previous jobs are some of my best and have been my best encouragers.
Nobody is trying to push you into a mold that you have to do things the conventional way, just trying to encourage you to expand your horizons while you have the chance. Because believe me once you get married you will not have the freedom you have now. You have another schedule you have to check with and another's needs to consider as well as your own. Don't push doors open enjoy your stage of life right now! I have a wonderful husband whom I am happily married to, but I am very thankful I had those years to mature and grow, to open my wings and fly solo before committing for the rest of my life. Experience the world that God gave for your enjoyment!
Brooke, I could have almost written what you wrote when I was 20. I married at 28 (but I did end up moving out at about 25 to go to the mission field.) I'm 35 and am a SAHM with 3 little ones. But I regret a little bit of the way I did things in my youth. I regret puttig so much on hold "waiting" for Mr. Right. We aren't to live for anyone other than God (not saying you are, but I know that I was at that point). Saying, "I won't do xyz until Prince Charming comes," for me was a sign of a wrong focus. I was making someone else responsible for decisions I should have been making. I realize now that I had more time then than I'm going to have for a long time now. I wish I had used it more wisely.
ReplyDeleteBROOKE! Studying the Holy Bible is the best education for anyone, anywhere. Praying for God's will and following Him is the best decision for anyone, anywhere. Let patience have her perfect work in you, wanting nothing! God bless you, God will take care of you! I know you already know all of this already, and I just wanted to encourage you, and show you that not everyone doubts your convictions! To argue with you would be to argue with the One who convicts you, and that is something I want no part in! :) Your parents must be wonderful teachers of the Word! God bless you!
ReplyDeleteMatthew,
DeleteThank you SO MUCH for your encouraging comment!! I sincerely appreciate it and it literally made my day. :)